dr_fruikenstein

Wow... It's been longer than I thought.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:40:02 GMT

I didn't realize that it's been so long since I logged into Lj.

I've been working alot, and have been busy with other things.
A frind of mine is writing a book, and I'm waiting for another chapter from her. Even when I've had a little time, I would find something to do, and not be home. I went to visit a friend that lives about ten hours away from me a couple weeks ago.

Last night I couldn't sleep, and ended up watching six episodes of Angel.
That was fun.
When Angel was on TV, I was working over the road and could only catch an episode every once in awhile.
I loved the show (never a Buffy fan, though), but never saw much of it, so a couple weeks ago, I bought the first two seasons to see what I missed.
I get paid Tuesday, and plan to pick up seasons three and four.

Oh... I bought a new laptop computer about a month ago, as well. So now I'm broke.

Well, that's the summery for now.

Funny conversation.

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 08:06:30 GMT

I was talking with a co-worker today, and this is how it went...

Co-worker - "I have a lead foot."

Me - "Really?"

Co-worker - "Yeah. Don't tell anyone."

Me - "I thought feet were made of flesh and bone."

Co-worker - Laughs.

Me - "When did they start making lead prostheses?"

Co-worker - Speachless... Tries to talk, but can only laugh.

Still catching up...

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 02:48:35 GMT

I'm still way behind in catching up with all I missed when I couldn't get online, though I am making progress.

One hold up is that I've been on facebook a lot lately, and am getting hooked.
That and work, and still not having my own laptop to use when I'm not home.

The home computer is slow online because of my dial up connection, so it takes me longer to surf the web.

I do really miss my Lj friends, and am hoping to be caught up soon.

Wanted... (I posted this in MySpace yesterday)

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 13:46:30 GMT

Wanted... (Just thought I'd throw this out there.)
Current mood: curious
Category: Romance and Relationships

Female.

Qualifications...

She Must be friendly, interesting, caring, and be accepting of me for who I am.

If we get close...

She must Love me inspite of my shortcommings.

Must understand, and be accepting that I'm looking for a forever relationship, and NOT a friends with bennies thing.

Must like to cuddle.

Shoulds...
Not everything here is required, but a combination of some of these things is needed.

Be marrage minded.

Want kids/more kids.

Like to travel.

Like music, and concerts.

Like movies.

Like Dining.

Like art.

Like to do things at the spur of the moment.

Like cats (There will always be at least one in my life).

Not like bright light.

Be interested in large Victorian, and Edwardian homes... Especially Queen Anne Victorian homes. You know, the ones with turrets.

Not freak out when she sees the skeleton hanging in my closet... It's plastic.

Have a gruisome sense of humor.

NOTE... IF YOU COME TO ME ONLY WANTING TO TRY ME IN BED, YOU WILL BE REJECTED.

I'm sure there's things I'm forgetting to mention, but I can tell you the rest.
Look at my profile to learn more about me.

I just posted this in MySpace, and don't have time to write a post spicificly for here.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:59:06 GMT

To all my friends...

At about 5am yesterday morning, my laptop computer was stolen out of my car, in front of my house. I was only out of the car for 10 minutes, and it was gone.

This poses a very upseting problem as that computer automaticly logs into most of my accounts. Although it doesn't log into MySpace, it does log into MySpace IM. I'm hoping that no one has gotten any "Bad" messages from any of my accounts. If any of you have, I apoligize, and want you to know that it wasn't me.

I'm on a borrowed computer typing this out right now, and only have a few minutes with it.

As I don't have permission to install MySpace IM on this computer, I can't go there to change the password. I do remember setting it to use the MySpace password, and am hoping that changing my password here will prevent anyone from misusing IM without my knowlage.

Anyone that's also friends with me in other web communities, if you got any "Bad" messages, again I apoligize.

I'll try to be online as often as I can be, however that may be limmited for awhile. I don't go to the collage to use their computers anymore because of a few certian people that always try to make my life miserable, and the public library has MySpace locked out.

Also I'm working for another company, and the hours are a bit prohibitive at times, but not always.

I'll be replacing that computer as soon as possible, so I shouldn't be gone for long. Also, there's a few clues as to who might have taken it, and an investigation is continuing.

It may be possible that it could be recovered.

Memories (09-01-08)

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:03:52 GMT

Many years ago I was introduced to a family. I got to know that family very well, and enjoyed every member of that family.
I got to know them so well that I'd be upset if I didn't get to see at least one member of that family every day, and it didn't matter who.

I watched that family grow, branch out, and start new families, and more.
I laughed with them, cried with them, worried about them, and celebrated with them.
I didn't get to see any of them Sunday, but I got the Sunday update this morning.

What I found out made me very emotional.

The family is fictional.
It's the comic strip known as "For Better Or For Worse".

Thank you Lynn Johnston for such a wonderful family.
I look foward to reading the new version of this family.

Happy birthday Salome...

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 19:52:00 GMT

Anna Paquin is 26 today.
She is the actress that a fan fic star, and my charactor crush Salome Simpson is inspired by.
Anna is the purple girl (Salome) in the pic...

"All the pretty colors."

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:47:12 GMT

Yeah,I was just rubbing my eyes, and I pressed my eyeballs a little.
I don't know about other people, but when I press my eyeballs, I see a lot of color.

Why was I rubbing my eyes?
Because no one will let me sleep when I actually can.
It's funny, I can lay in bed, awake for hours, and no one bothers me, but as soon as I dose off, everyone decides that's the perfect time to bug me.

This morning I had finally dosed off when the sun was comming up. Probably between 4:45-5:00. It wasn't much lighter when the phone rang.
I dosed off again after that.
Then someone knoks on the bedroom door to ask me a question. Somehow I managed to dose off after that.
A little while later someone else knocks on the bedroom door to ask the very same question.

AUGH!!!!!!

Now it would take Maxwels silver hammer to knock me out, and it's only 6:30.
I layed around for a bit hoping that sleep would come back to me, but it wouldn't.
I finely went to Old Faithful...
You remember Old Faithful?
The 14 year old computer that never quits that I mention in some blogs?
Anyway, I played a few hands of Solitare, and then a few rounds of Mah Jung.
I wasted a perfectly good hour, and never got sleepy, so I hit the shower, and snuck out of the house.
I went to Cafe Mondo for coffee, sat around for awhile, and finally pulled the laptop out to look online for a certian image to send to a friend as a comment. That's when I ran into trouble online, which resulted in my last blog.

Basicly, the moral of this blog is that I don't sleep much as it is, and when I actually can...
DON'T WAKE ME UP!!!

A LIVE JOURNAL friend has a .gif loop that says it all...

Can't get the hang of Thursday?..
Tea.

Your friend is an alian?..
Tea.

House got demolished?..
Tea.

Your planet exploded?..
Tea dammit!

So, if you have some NON emergency that you think is an emergency?..
Don't wake me up... TEA DAMMIT!!!

Malisious Online AV scan.

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:14:29 GMT

As I was starting to surf the web for pics, I got an alert from an unknown online antivirus company that said I had spyware on my computer.
This company has the same shild that microsoft uses, but I didn't see microsoft anywhere in the alert. Besides that, Microsoft protecteio is completely disabled on my computer, so they can't send me an alert.

I imideately disconnected from the internet, did a search for the files the company said was malisious, reconected for an AVG update, disconnected again, and started a scan.

Aside from some suspect cookies, AVG found nothing.

AUGH!!! Two hours later the scan is complete.

At least I wasn't duped.

To all my friends, watch for this.

Grant info wanted.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:11:02 GMT

For awhile I've been searching for funds to build an electric or hybrid vehicle.
I've been checking for grants and find that though they do exist, they're being given to large corperations for R&D in hybrid vehicles.
I don't nessarily have to build my dream van, although that's what I really want, I'd be happy to convert a large car, like a '73 New Yorker, or similer to a hybred, or straight electric.
The big problem is funding.
I know there's grants out there somewhare for projects such as mine.
I just haven't found any yet.
If anyone has any info on grants for this purpose, please send me some info.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 04:15:05 GMT

Here I sit at Cederville Mobil waiting for their power to come back on.
I was planning to head into Freeport for coffee, and don't have enough gas to get there. I have money, but no gas. No power means no gas.
My plans were changing anyway as I got a surprise at about noon.
I had just told my mother that my modern computer(User05) stayed online for twenty minutes before I got a bluescreen and was really excited about that, and I was handed my laptop that died in January (Kind of the same computer. read on) and was told it was dropped off the other day.
What a surprise.
This computer isn't actually the same one as I'm told that I burnt out the old one so badly that it couldn't be fixed, but it has the same hard drive in it as well as the same DVD-rom.
I had given up on it because it was so badly burnt up, even though I was initially told that it may be fixable. I just kept hearing that more and more was wrong with it.
With the same hard drive in this one, it has all my software that I installed before, and my music, and my personal settings.
This one also has built in Wi-Fi, so I won't have to dig out the Wi-Fi card every time I wish to connect. I'll test it later at Octane.
Well, the battery is low, so I better end this for now. I'll post this when I get to Octane.

I'm at Octane now, and I'm glad I still have the Netgear Wi-Fi card as I can't get the built in Wi-Fi radio to turn on. Other than that, I'm online again.

Damn! This sucks.

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 07:11:28 GMT

My internet is slow as hell right now.
I have a dial up connection, so I'm used to "slow", but this is rediculess.
Yahoo took over ten minutes to load, three minutes to load the post input page so I can post this, and MySpace won't load at all.
Rebooting did nothing to help.
My personal network is just fine. All my computers are talking with each other with no problems.
It's just the internet I'm having problems with.
A few people said yesterday that the local ISP was having problems, but I use a different ISP.
Maybe my ISP (Juno) uses the local ISP (Aero) as a relay. If that's the case, that would explain the problems I'm having

So far.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 06:50:40 GMT

Almost all day, I've been writing a blog on paper about energy, and waste. That one may take awhile to finish as it requires a huge amount of editing.

I've also been estimating my paycheck, hoping for enough money to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time.

Tomarrow, I find out the condition of my laptop computer, or so I'm told that I'll know tomarrow.
It hasn't worked for over three weeks now.
The main battery died, and it didn't shut completely off, and now won't initiate a boot.
I think it thinks it's still on from the last session.
I can't get to the bios battery to reset it, so now it's in the shop.

Earlier I almost responded to a friends post, and thought better of it. Although my friend would probably get the gross humor, I don't think any of her other friends would as the comment would've suggested forcing a bad action that she has very little control over, out of context of it's normal cycle just to prove a point.
Besides that, I'm now thinking that the suggestion could subconciously increse the frequency of this bad cycle, and I don't want that happening as I want her to get better, not worse.
So for once I'm glad I was overthinking.

Over the last week, I've been fighting a cold, and I think it's pretty much gone. Normally I don't sleep at night, and I've been sleeping a lot lately because of the cold. My sleep patterns are almost back to normal, so that's why I think the cold is done.
I'm still taking cat naps during the day yet, but then I do cycle that way about once a month, so it may be my normal cycle, and not cold related.
I'm already missing being able to sleep an entire shift. Some things about being sick are actually nice.

Speaking of cold, I'm also suffering from another kind of cold.
Well, everyone around here is.
I just checked the temp outside, and it's -8 below outside.
I guess that's life in Freezeport IL.

Intellagent Animals.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 05:51:16 GMT

This is another blog I posted in MySpace yesterday that I'm posting here.

Intellagent Animals.

Many people don't recognize the intellagence of some animals.
Some don't care. Some don't have time to think about it. Some even feel threatened by the thought that a bird might have a higher IQ than some functional humans.

In my last blog, I had mentioned orangutans as having high intellagence.
The truth is that various species of animals have shown high intellagence.

Let's start with pack animals.
Many years ago there was a series of movies about a talking mule.
Frances the talking mule.
I really believe that the donkey is the smartest of all western pack animals. Probably equalled by the mule.
Go east, and you have elephants (Mentioned later in this blog).
Donkeys get the bad rap of being stubborn, but there's usually a reason why.
Donkeys have saved many lives by seamingly being stubborn.
Donkeys are so concious of their surroundings that they don't often take un necisary risks.

Many species of birds have the ability to speak, and the few that have been comfortable enough to have conversation with humans have shown extreme social intellagence as well as the ability to do math.
They're also natural poets as well, and very opinionated.
A budgie named Victor is a good example.
Victor's websight
Victor's conversations

Many types of whales also have shown extreme intellagence. The most noted is the bottle nosed dolphin.
I have personally had a *Yes/No* conversation with a balooga whale.
He could nod, but as I didn't know him personally (Except for that one meeting), that yes/no conversation was the best I could do.
Bottle nosed dolphins have been known to teach themselves how to work human equipment. That requires some capacity for reverse engineering. Many relatively successful humans even have trouble self teaching, so that says something about the IQ of a dolphin.
Orangutans, and elephants have also shown the ability to learn how to work human equipment on their own.

It's interesting how things come together.
I got to the point of mentioning elephants, and went outside for something.
While outside, I met an animal whisperer that explained to me, and verified some of what I have written here.

I was gonna mention more, but I couldn't find any websights to back me up on what I was gonna mention.
If I should come across some websights that mention what I need, I'll edit, and repost this blog.

Anyway, if someone should ever say that you have the brain capacity of an animal, just smile, and say thanks.

Smoking Gorrilla.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 05:37:15 GMT

I posted this in MySpace yesterday, and thought I'd post it here as well.

Smoking Gorrilla.

Someone was just saying that there was once a gorrilla kept in Freeport that had a smoking habbit.
I have my doubts about that, but I'll admit that it is possible.
I have met a gorrilla that knew A.S.L.
Primates do have the highest intellagence of all land mammals. Sometimes, I think humans have the lowest average intellagence of the primate family, but that's another story.

I have also met a chimpanzee that knew A.S.L., but that doesn't surprise me as chimps use a form of gesture communication for their more complex communications amongst their own anyway.
Teaching a chimp A.S.L. shouldn't be hard if the chimp is curious about humans.

Orangutans are right behind humans in terms of IQ, so one could figure that an orangutan can pick up bad habbits as quickly as humans, and Hollywood has shown this as well.
As humans, orangutans have a natural ability to solve problems.
That's a sign of high intellagence.

Unfortunately, the higher the intellagence, the easier it is for a species to pick up bad habbits when exposed to things not natural to them.

I'm still doing reasurch on my next blog about intellagent animals, but that should proove interesting. I wrote most of it on paper at Higher Grounds right after writing this blog. After writing most of it, I met an interesting person that was able to verify some of what I had written.

I posted this a few days ago in MySpace, and I thought I should post it here as well.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 01:40:19 GMT

I'm finely getting new tires this week. I hope only one is bad because I need a spare as well.
I have one good spare, but it's a donut spare, and whenever possible I like to have a full size spare tire. The full size spare that I have is now a perminant back tire because the front tire went bald.
Confusing huh.
The rim was too wide to be used on the front, so what was the back tire is now the front tire, and the spare is now the back tire. The bald tire is in the trunk under the donut spare.

Work is slow this week. The other driver is on salery, so when he doesn't have farm loads to haul, he hauls grain and feed from, and to the elevators.
That's what I've been doing.
I started looking at the numbers, and realized that the profet margin is so tiny that the if there's a single blowout, or a two hour delay, the truck has to haul two more loads with no problems to recover from the loss.
No money there at all.
I told the owner about the company I applied to late last year, and asked if he would want information on signing the truck with that company.
He's very interested, so as soon as my car is safe, I'll be going to Belvadere to get that info for him.
This may be the reason I had so much trouble getting things together to join that company before.
This way, I'd be helping two people at once.
Probably devine intervention.
I was put on call for tomarrow, so I'll find out tonight if I'm working tomarrow.

I was going over my Project Playlist playlist and found a bunch of Dr. Hook songs that weren't working. I figured that as they're from the same websight, it's probably maintanence, but they're all poor recordings so I deleted them anyway.
I found a couple songs from Prong, and now I'm adding a few songs from Feist.
There's a few other artists I want to look for as well.
I also need to look for replacements for all the Fleetwood Mac songs that quit working last fall.
No surprise that I'd add Feist to my playlist because I've been a Melany fan my whole life.
Their styles are similer.
I'm currently listining to a mix of 1234 from Feist. I've never heard this version of this song, and I like it. I think I'm adding it.

My laptop computer is finely getting looked at tomarrow. I'm hoping that the problem is as simple as I think it is.
I miss having the computer at Higher Grounds where I really need some reading material.
I've saved a lot of Fan Fic to it's hard drive, and it's handy to just start reading it when out for coffee.
I have a lot of Wirdo Town stories saved on it as well.
I'll be glad to have it back.

The song 1234 from Feist just finished. It's a good recording, so I'm adding it to my playlist. I just found a remix of Sealion that I was hoping to find. It's kinda Discoesque. If this link turns out ok, it'll be the next Feist song to be added.
I might look for one more Feist song after this one.

I've been writing a blog on paper that lists all the vehicles I've had over the years. I'll probably start typing it out later at home, but it may take a few days to get done. Not because of the number of vehicles, but because there's comments about all of them.

I'm also considering finishing up the second half of the Nyazian Prophesies fan fic I was working on. It's based on fan fiction, so it may be interesting. I'm shooting for a comedey angle.
I'm not very experienced in writing, so I hope it's better than I'm thinking it is.
I quit writing it before because the first half of it is on the storage card that I used for my now dead PocketPC.
I have no way to read that storage card right now, so I'll be going by memory on where I left off.
I hope I'm remembering accurately.

I'm getting a bit hungry, so I should end this blog, and go home and eat.
I'll be at Applebee's later to suck on another 300 cups of really old, and weak coffee. I guess before I complain about the coffee, I should remember that I may be old and weak some day too.

Why do people do this???

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 20:19:36 GMT

I'm always seeng people setting themselves to succede with something and just as they're about to get what they want they give up on it.

I know one person who I only see once in awhile who does this with almost everything.
She's even ended up in jail because of giving up at the last second.
She stresses out, and gives up just before she would get what she wants.
In her case, I think she fears the unknown as she will have access to what she wants, and freak out without ever accessing that very thing, or information.
I'm an old pro at that one myself, but I'm proud to say that in the last 8 months when I felt like giving up, I didn't.
The evidence of this is starting to show now.

I know someone else that, although not anywhere near as extreme as the other person mentioned, may be doing the same thing even though a time table has been known since the day after Christmas, and hasn't played itself out yet.
I almost gave up on the very same thing just before Christmas, but didn't.

I think it's a fear of getting what you want.

How does anybody ever get what they want in this world if they're always giving up on things.

People want what's easy, and give up when things are tough. Usually just at the point of success.
They settle for less than what they wanted because of this.

The two people mentioned here aren't the only people I know that I see giving up on things.

Tori Amos - Me and a Gun

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:43:46 GMT

"Me And A Gun"

5am
Friday morning
Thursday night
Far from sleep
I'm still up and driving
Can't go home
obviously
So I'll just change direction
Cause they'll soon konw where I live
And I wanna live

Got a full tank and some chips
It was me and a gun
And a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny things you think
at times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed
And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back
Used to hang and he said
"It's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time
So you choose well"
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach
of Fred's Seville

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through you head
When there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach
It's not a classic cadillac

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

I hope soon.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:28:22 GMT

Since my little PocketPC died, I've found that it's a lot harder for me to keep up with all that's been posted here.
With the PocketPC I was able to check all the web communities I belong to whenever I was bored, and now I'm at the mercy of both time, and other peoples computers.
My computer still isn't connected to the web yet, and the other day when I was trying to connect to an ISP, it took me four hours just to make the phone connection.
The modem wouldn't dial.
Once connected, I was able to browse the ISP's websight with ease.
The phone dialer works, so I know the modem works. It's a software problem.
Anyway, for the most part, I've been only logging on here to see that everyone is ok, and still kicking.
Well everyone is still kicking, anyway.
Hopefuly soon I'll have my computer connected.

Writer's Block: Warning:

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:54:10 GMT

If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

View 501 Answers

!Warning! Highly emotional. Handle with care.

Daydream... The crime of the century.

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:46:10 GMT

9 pm. The moon is full, and everything is set to go.
The plans look good.
I go out to my van, slide in the seat as I turn the van's computer on.
This is something that I've been wanting to do for years, and it looks as if I have my chance.
I silently ease the van through the courtyard, and lower the drawbridge.
The van may need full power later, so I turn the engine on to keep the batteries charged.
As the turbine winds up, I approach the beach that I plan to use to start my trip.
I ease the van into the water, and undetected, I head west to America.
I hadn't tested the van much in water, and now I wish I had. At 400 knots, it's using too much electricity, and fuel to make a round trip, so against my better judgement i switched to air mode as that uses almost no power.
Good, I should be in Coneticut in 15 minuts now.
15 minutes later I'm pulling on shore and I find a road, and aim myself towards Heartford, hoping that the local police don't realize that I don't belong here.
I find the factory I'm looking in an industrial park in Heartford.
I pull into the lot, and go inside.
Good, the guard didn't see through my desguise. I look like an employee.
Hopefully they didn't move things around in the week since I got the layout of this place.
I make my way to the ovens, look left, and see my prize.
It's just been packaged, and still warm.
I walk over, and snatch it from the tray.
I pocket it, and move quickley towards the door.
I get to my van, jump in, and drive.
I was successful... Wait, did they spot me?
4 men, dressed in black are standing at the parking lot entrence.
As I get closer I realize that they're not of the company, but they're actualy vamps.
Although I'm also a vamp, I haven't died yet, so my heart still beats, and these guy's look hungry.
They must've heard my lone heartbeat as I walked to my van, and now they want my blood.
I switch to flight mode again, and fly out of the lot.
If I fly low, the athorities won't pick me up on radar.
I land in some woods, about two miles away, and start driving towards the beach.
I get to the beach, and head east, back to Ireland.
I look over at the package. This is what I came for, and it's worth the fourteen million I've spent to make sure I could pull this off.
It's still warm, so I open the package, and eat the evidence.
Mmmmm.... Warm Twinkies right out of the oven.
It's truly amaizing what I'll do for a thrill.

I gave this advice to someone else, and I thought I’d post my experience with this.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:26:48 GMT

I gave this advice to someone else, and I thought I’d post my experience with this.
I'll be posting this in MySpace, Live Journal, and Insane Journal.
With my mood swings, the personal rules that I've set for myself for how to respond to my own feelings, and various situations has helped me in more ways than one.
Because I know that my own feelings sometimes lie, or are sometimes exaggerated, I need this tool for handling myself.
My experience with this has been that following these rules doesn't change how I feel at that moment, but as I become accustomed to responding a certain way, I've found that I've started (with some things) acting appropriately in many situations without thinking about it.
This has helped me to not make things worse for myself, and has built some personal confidence.
Those results lowers my stress level at those times, and that has resulted in much less self destructive thoughts, and behavior.
Although these rules didn't seem to help at first, each positive result has lead to another, causing a positive chain reaction that I believe has changed how bad I would've felt at times when my feelings weren't correct.
Again, this doesn't change how I feel at the moment, only how I respond, and that's what set the chain reaction in motion.

Why I post what I post.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 20:21:18 GMT

I wrote this last night for MySpace because I usually post my blogs concerning "life" there.
After thinking about it, I figured I'd post this here, too.

Why I post what I post.

Much of what I write is simply just to put my mind elsewhere.
Just to re-occupy my mind with thoughts other that what's already there.
Some of my blogs are meant to help myself, and others, though.
Let me explain...
All my life I studied other people to find answers to what makes me tick.
As I've done this, I found that I could figure out what made most (not all) people tick, but that didn't explain me.
I learned that I was supposed to act a certain way, and always tried to do so, but at times I'd find that almost impossible.
I was acting on emotion.
Last year, someone pointed out that I had strong symptoms of bipolar disorder.
I had heard about bipolar disorder, but hadn't ever studied it, and therefore didn't understand it, but started seeing a shrink to see if I'm bipolar.
I also started studying bipolar disorder.
Earlier this year I was diagnosed as "Ultra rapid cycle bipolar I". Also with a possibly of PTSD.
Just before the diagnosis, I found information on the internet that explained me perfectly, and also explained many of the people I couldn't figure out previously.
That information can be found at Minddisorders.com - bipolar descriptions.
What I found is that my emotions sometimes lie, and acting, or reacting based on my emotions is bad for me.
This doesn't mean that my emotions always lie, though. Just that I need to step back, and study myself, and the situation before I do anything, or I can get myself in trouble.
Eventually, I hope to be on meds to stabilize my moods, but I know that I can't rely on meds always being available.
This requires that I know how to handle situations, and myself in those situations regardless of my emotional status at that time.
As I learn things, I like to share them with other people that may also have similar issues so that they don't make the same mistakes that I have, or have seen others make that I learned not to make.
I have a good heart, and don't wish anyone harm in any way (excepting myself at times).
I can't change what I've done in the past, but I can make sure that I don't have to regret any part of the rest of my life.
I want people to know what works for me, where I go wrong with things, and what I do to make sure I don't do things I'll later regret.
Doing this also helps me to understand myself as I'll often admit to things that I didn't realize before writing a blog about life related stuff, and set new personal rules as a result.
None of this means that I'll get it right, only that I wish to.
This also gives other people who either have, or have studied emotional/social disorders to give advice as well.
My life should be an example of self help, and how to apply it to one's own life.

Fan Fic update.

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:27:38 GMT

The computer problems, and my PocketPC/cellphone crashing, and taking 31 hours to get it working again, has actually helped to provide me with a better story.
After I got the phone working again, I read some older episodes of TNP, and realized that the second half of my story was almost word for word nearly identical to one of Emcee's episodes.
That's changing.
At one point in the story, Connor, and Andrew are forced to walk home holding hands in daylight.
That makes me wish that I would've written Spike into the story.
Taste the rainbow. LOL.
I've found that dialog is very difficult when two people occupy one body.
I already made the mistake of saying when I'll likely post this story, so I won't do that again.
I will only say that it's in the works.
I expected that writing fan fic would be hard, but I never thought it would be this hard.
This generates an even higher respect for people that write fan fic, and some of those authors I already had a high respect for.

Flash woes.

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 20:08:16 GMT

I'm wanting to switch flash players on my PocketPC from Flash7 for PocketPC's to Flash Lite 3 for mobile devices, and can't find a download link in the Adobe websight.
All I find are links to more pages giving information about Flash Lite 3.
According to Adobe, Flash Lite 3 works well in Windows PocketPC's, and supports most Flash 8 applications. This is important to me because most of the Flash content I wish to view requires Flash 8.
I am considering that my PocketPC isn't displaying the link. This does happen from time to time.
If anyone finds a link to download Flash Lite 3 in the Adobe websight, PLEASE send it to me.